December  7/2016 

Hallelujah……. I finally got a call from my surgeons office. My surgery is set for December 16th. It is such a bitter sweet things for me. Although I so want to get this cancer out of my body. I am choosing to change my body. In a BIG way. I am removing both my breasts. Although they are not near as nice as they were when I was 20, they hang low, they are sloppy, I think even a little uneven now too.  They are mine and they have been a part of me most of my life. They help defined me as a woman. But they are also 2 things that if I leave this cancer alone they could kill me.  So the decision is made. Off they come.  It really sounds so easy. But scares me a lot. I have talked about removing my breasts right from the moment I found out I had cancer. But talking about it and now it becoming a reality. Is really very hard. 

I have formed a friendship with quite a few ladies all who have gone this road before me. But as I begin my walk I really feel I am alone now. Although Jamie has been by my side every step of the way, and has agreed with me with the decision to have a double mastectomy. It is my final decision, my body, and I have to live with the decision I am making.  I know there is reconstruction surgery but all these ladies say it is never the same.  The good thing is I will probably have my 20 year old boobies back that could be nice. I think Jamie will like that too. 😊 it is still pretty scary. My doctor told me the next six to eight months to be ready for my life to take a drastic change. I think” we” are all ready…..

My next big event is Christmas and I think that I won’t be quite back to myself as it is only a week after my surgery.  My doctors nurse told me today  I need to stay away from everyone who is sick or has the flu or any kind of sickness. She said I could miss one Christmas with my family if it means my life. ( makes sence)   I need to be health so I am ready to put all those toxic chemicals into my body with chemo. Starting sometime in January. So I guess we will see how I am feeling and how all the rest of my family is feeling at Christmas too. Then we will make the decision if we join everyone or if Jamie and I have a quiet Christmas at home this year. I guess I could miss this one so I am healthy and ready for next year. 

So the date is marked in red on the calendar ” Double Mastectomy ” no turning back now.  Let’s just hope that I don’t get bumped or another emergency comes up that changes my date. Maybe  Halleljua sounds a little to exciting. But I do fell like we need to celebrate my life. My new life after cancer. As a survivor. 

Because my story isn’t over yet ❤️

Beth 😇