December 21/2016

I had a rough night last night. I let the pain meds wear off through the night. So when I woke up at 2:30am I was in a lot of pain. Everything hurt even my eyeballs when I turned to see the clock to check the time.  So up I got and I took the meds. Note to self don’t let pain meds wear off again. So I set my alarm to be sure I took them on time.I felt better through the day. Thanks goodness. 

Nurse Jamie is doing all he can to help. He made two trips to Gibbons today to get me things. I just need to think of something I need abs off he goes. I could get used to this. Lol lol Really not sure if I needed the stuff today. But that is his way of helping. My new thing is drinking different juices with club soda. ( Lynne got me onto this new drink on the weekend. I love it) So he got me juices and club soda. Bless his heart. He just dosent know what to do to help me. There really is nothing he can do. But this helps him and that helps me . I thought all these years he didn’t know how to run the dishwasher and he not only knows how to run it he can also load it too. Amazing !!! He just learned this in the last two days. Lol lol I will just have to see if he knows how to run the stove and oven. And I might even see if he can turn on the washing machine. After 38 years I might just get him house broke.  

I have found that the best clothes are button up tops and jogging pants. Both of which I do not have enough of.  Not sure if I trust Jamie to do that shopping for me. So Friday after I go see my surgeon, we are going on a little shopping spree. I bought two button up blouses but that’s just going to get it. I also think I will be ready to get out of the house for a little bit. 

I am actually a little scared to go in public to tell the truth. I feel like I am so different I wonder if people will be able to see how different I am. You can not go through such a traumatic surgery and not be different person. I am missing parts of my body. Important parts of my body. I look different now. I feel pretty unattractive, and pretty stiff. My arms don’t work like before. I know in time they will. But a stranger seeing me will think “what’s wrong with her”. That’s the hardest part for me. Will people notice. Can they tell I am so flat chested now. This is why I need blouses they cover me up pretty good. Although I think I have probably lost a few pounds at least a couple from each breast. I was pretty bloated from all the intervenious at first but that is better now too. I look heavier because the drains I have for each arm they have to fit into the top of my pants. Luck I kept those fat clothes for if I ever needed them. The fat pants work great.  Lol lol 

So I made it through day two. Lots on my mind.I have also learned something new.  Do not let pain meds run out. Tomorrow is a new day. A step closer to this healing progress. This is the new me. I won’t look back 😘

Beth 😇