January 29/2017 

I might not need physio on my arms as they are getting better and better, I used them a lot today. I was pretty proud of myself how much better I am getting. I. Surprised myself lifting stuff and hauling out bags of clothes today. 

I cleaned my closets today, a job I have needed to do for a long time. My new body definatley warranted getting the job done. I can tell that there are a lot of clothes that I will never be able to wear again. Some of that is good, because I need a new wardrobe. ( don’t tell Jamie )  also some clothes fit very different now. I tried on a lot of stuff.  Sundresses I have found are meant to be worn with boobs. I did keep my favourite ones I will figure out how to wear them when I have healed  a little better. I just couldn’t bring myself to try on my bathing suits so I kept them all. That is for another day. I went throught all my summer tank tops. That was scary too. I got rid of lots. I thought someone might as well wear them. I tried on many of them but it got to depressing, so I kept the pretty ones and out went the rest. Although right now I am ok with my body. I know that I am going to have to do something to be able to wear many clothes as a woman again. I think that will be falsies. Because this recover is way to slow, and taking way to long to put myself through it again. I don’t want the pain part again either. 

One good thing that I know all my family will agree with me on, is that I have taken up the crusade for “PINK” . I have had a wardrobe of black for many years now. But I now have little pops of pink popping up all over my closet. I really kind of like it. Pink is such a pretty color. It gives me a feeling of femanity right now when I really need it. Because it is hard to feel pretty and famine with parts of your body missing that so define you as a woman. I don’t like  when I say that because I wish it wasn’t  true, but it really is. 

I also find myself wearing  more jewelery now than ever before. I have also picked up some pink jewelery. Jewelery is also making me feel more feminine. I find myself struggling to find things to make me feel more pretty more lady like. Not that I think I am ugly, but I see someone very different looking back at me from my mirror these days. I guess I am trying to get “ME” back. I know I am in there somewhere. It’s just a new me. I will figure her out. I will also get more and more comfortable with this new me. 

The new me is working very hard on figuring out how to learn to live with and accept this new body. Also getting into the color pink. So far I think I am doing ok. This is going to be a work in progress that will change and change as time goes on. I do know it is a challenge but one I am up for.  ” Pink Power” it is only 5 weeks so I am going to give myself a break and take it one day at a time. 

Beth 😇