Today marks “3” years since I had my double mastectomy. I can’t believe it has been that long. I have now lived two years longer than my surgeon and oncologist had told me I would. I hope to out live that by another 40 years or so. Give or take a few years. It is a long road to recovery. As I am still not done with the surgery’s to make my horrible scars look a little better. Nobody prepared me for the long road that laid in front of me when I started this journey.

I truly feel the worst is behind me and I am moving on, I feel good and I am doing great. I continue to do my horsey diet I think the results speak for its self. Of course that comes with the help and love of all my family and friends. Because no one can go on a journey like this without that help. I am a lucky gal.

Moving on. ( literally) We have some wonderful news to tell everyone. Jamie and I have sold our home 🏡 ……Finally!!!!!!!!!! It is a bitter sweet feeling. I am sad and happy all in one. The sad comes because this was my Moms home stead and it will no longer belong to anyone in the family. 😢😢 I truly believe she would be happy for us and glad to see us moving onto bigger and better things. So I am going to go with the happy. Of course I will miss this place and my heart will always be here. Jamie and I were very happy here for 20 years. All good things must come to an end. So we can have a NEW start.

This month is Christmas a very magical time of year, where you are busy as heck. Baking, shopping , decorating,cleaning, and Christmas concerts for the little ones. The list goes on and on.

We have six grandkids 3 girls and 3 boys. That is where the real magic is because there eyes light up with all the excitement of the season. We have a tradition where we take all six kids and our great niece ( we only have one so far) all toy shopping. Off we go to toys are us. Jamie and I help them and we have the say. It is a blast. Just watching them all trying to decide what they want. We do have rules, they can’t buy anything they asked Santa for, they don’t ask their parents if they can have it they ask us and last have fun. We sure do have fun. Afterwards we all go for lunch and everyone talks about the gifts they chose. It is the very best part of the season for Jamie and I.

This is the hard part of the season for us. This year marks 24 years that our “Precious BJ” has not been with us for Christmas. Still after all that time I miss him like crazy at Christmas. Of course I miss him all year long. But it hurts the most as we plan family time together without him again. I try to do all I can to include BJ and my Mom and sister Debby in the season, even though they are not here. I decorate their graves and I always have a picture of them on our diner table for Christmas dinner, along with a candle lit for each of them. This is the best and only way we can include them. Merry Christmas in heaven to my three beautiful angels “BJ and Mom and Debby” 🎄🎅🏻❤️😇

The one thing we do just for BJ is there is a candle lighting church service every year for all parents who have lost a child. We go every year, unless we are away with work. This year we were so lucky that Mac, Jolee, Austin, and Chloee were able to come to the service too. We light a candle and put a picture of each of our children on the alter. It is a very beautiful and touching service. This year I found myself actually smiling as we sat right in front of BJ’s picture. I thought how beautiful he is, how lucky I was to be his Mom, I thought how lucky heaven was to have him. I actually felt at peace for the first time in 24 years. I saw many parents going up to light the candle for their child, new parent who have just lost their child or ones who are farther along in their grief but it is still so raw. I remember that horrible pain and suffering we went through. I remember thinking it would never get easier. I remember not being able to breath. I remember the steady flow of tears. I remember just not wanting to be here. I remember “BJ’s” beautiful smile. Then all of a sudden I was sitting there and I remembered all the good things of “BJ” not just the sad things anymore. I truly felt so much peace and love. I truly hope this peace stays with me. Merry Christmas in heaven “BJ, Mom and Debby” ❤️❤️❤️

I went again to my plastic surgeon for a follow up on my surgery from a month ago. Remembering my crazy ordeal last time. It has to be better this time. BUT……..of course it was crazy again. I made my appointment early in the morning. 8:40 to be exact we left home in the dark. The office opens at 8:30 so I thought we should be ok. Yea right !!!!! We waited 2 hours and 45 minutes to see him. Finally he comes in and says again the new computer system is wreaking havoc on us. REALLY ???? well then he checks my incisions where I still have all the stitches that were to desolve I thought. He says some people it takes longer. I am over a month since surgery now. So he left that told Jamie he could use nail clippers and cut them out??? I don’t see that happening. Lol. I then show him under my right arm I now have a lump that looks like a nipple. Yup that’s true a nipple. I showed him, he says lift your arms up and it goes away. I said what ?????? I dont walk around with my arms up. He says yes I guess so. Well we can do the two spots next time. So back for surgery I go. But I am putting it off because we are getting ready for the move. Not sure when I will do it. Maybe next summer. Did I say I hate being “IN” the medical system. Then I am glad we have it and I can get these messed up surgeries fixed. Double edge sword I guess.

As the Christmas season is upon it. I wish all my friends and family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 🎄🎄🎅🏻🎅🏻🎉🎉🍾🍾

Today’s saying : Do not be afraid to start over, this time your not starting from scratch. Your starting from experience.

Beth 😇