I am a little behind on my blog, I wanted to write something on the first of March as it was 5 years since I was diagnosed with my first cancer. Kidney cancer. Five years is a milestone in cancer world. And I am so proud to have made five years. Now just another 6 months and it will also be five years for my breast cancer. I can’t wait to reach that milestone too. 👍🏻🤞🏻

This last month has been a really rough month. In February my sisters and I moved my Dad to hospice. It was a heart wrenching decision that my Dad made all by himself. He was a very strong willed man. He knew what he wanted and he did things on his own terms as he wanted. None the less from February 8th to March 7th my Dad lived his final days in hospice. Covid made the last year of his life a really tough road. He was not able to go anywhere or see anyone. Luckily while he was still in Dr Turner he was on palliative care and my sisters and I were able to go in and see him for part of the year anyway. But we did not know in March of 2020 that we would still not be able to take him out at Christmas time. So he spent his last Christmas alone. Just saying that breaks my heart. We could not hug him anymore just a fist pump. Then in February this year he decided to move to hospice and left his beloved Dr Turner Lodge for the last time. Hospice was sure not what we had expected either. I had heard other people who had friends or family in hospice and it was such a wonderful experience for their final days. But I can tell you this was not our experience where he was. My only peace now is knowing that he is finally with my Mom after 26 years, and with my son BJ after 25 years. I hope they are all gathered together now catching up. ❤️❤️❤️ My world will be forever changed.

In the middle of all this going on with my Dad, Jamie and I bought a new fifth wheel RV. On February 28th it was delivered to us in Edson. The timing was not great of course with my Dad being sick. But when we ordered it in October we didn’t know that would happen. Anyway it was delivered and set just two stalls down from our old pull trailer. I spent the next 2 days moving and setting up our new home. I first had to clean cupboards in the new one then I hauled everything from trailer to trailer in a big blue rubber made bin. At first it was full to the top but by the end of the day I only had a few things in the bottom of the bin, at first I hauled it up the stairs no problem by the end of the day I was dragging it in the snow up the stairs Lol lol Day two I finished moving what was left….not much,and cleaned the old trailer out as it is sold. Wednesday I had to take all the skirting down off the old trailer and get it ready for Jamie to move Thursday night. My sisters were calling at this time my Dad was not good. I was in the middle of a mess ? Jamie got off work early Thursday and we moved the old trailer to the back of the lot and the new trailer to the old lot ( I know keep up it’s confusing ) we slept in the new trailer that night and I left Friday morning to go be with my Dad. Thank goodness I did he died on Sunday night at 5pm March 7/2021.

After spending a week and a half at home ( in Edmonton ) I finally came back to our new RV my new home. I am just now getting things organized and finding where to put things that work well. All in between many crying bouts. It is a really weird feeling when you no longer have any parents and become an orphan. I know I am an adult and have my own family. But when your parents are gone the head of the family is gone too. It really is an awful, lonely, terrible, feeling. I wish it on no one. And I know only those who have been there or are there will understand it 😢😢

To everyone who took the time to call me and my sisters we greatly appreciated it. It was nice to hear a friendly voice when our hearts are so broken. Again only those who have been there understand how important it is to hear words of encouragement when you are so low, and a caring voice. Much love to all of you. You know who you are. ❤️❤️❤️

I know I have to get myself out of this sadness and slump because it is really not good for my cancer. Stress can lead to a lot of health problems and cancer is one of them. So I am going to try as I did when BJ died to get myself up and going each day. I did it twice before I know I can do it again. I need to believe my Dad is out of pain and with all the people he loves. Also that BJ has both my Dad and Mom his Papa and Mama with him now. ❤️ that alone gives me such comfort😘

Today’s saying : Time stops when loss begins in a world that no longer keeps time. ❤️

Number 2: It’s amazing that the heart makes no noise when it cracks. ❤️

Number 3: We are all broken in some way, that’s how the light gets in. ❤️

Beth 😇