I always have a hard time sleeping this time of year. The month of December and Christmas are hard for me. Once you have a child die “ALL” happy occasions are just less happy. No matter how hard we try. There is always that missing piece to our family. BJ will be forever missed at our Christmas table along with my Mom. 😇😇 Some losses don’t just hurt for awhile, they hurt for a lifetime. I’ve cried enough tears to fill an ocean. I miss you with everything in me BJ, Mom, and Dad

This year I have some added sadness to my Christmas because this is the first year without my Dad. 😇 He was the head of our family the head of the table. He was here for 26 years after my Mom died and 25 years after BJ died. He was just always here. We always made sure to involve him, every year he said he wasn’t coming anymore. But he always came and he loved the crazy hustle and bustle of the day. Kind of. He even played in our family crib tournament many years. Until last year with this stupid Covid. I feel so sad when I think it was his last Christmas and we never even got to be together. We couldn’t even see him. It was so awful. He had become pretty good on his Alexa and we all called him on Christmas Day to say we loved and missed him. ❤️❤️ I believe he knew….he knew ❤️❤️

It is in these very difficult times of my life that I learn who the people are that love me, and that are always there for me. The best thing about the worst times of your life is that you get to see who stands with you and who stands against you. And unfortunately there are people who disappointed me. I guess that is life. But the hurt is no less painful. I need to move on. We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours.

Jamie and I are still in Edson and very happy and content in out 5th wheel trailer. The only hard thing is that we have no home to go to in Edmonton when we go home for Christmas. Lucky us our beautiful niece and her husband are having us for a few days and we can’t wait to spend time with them. If it was nicer weather we could just hook up and bring our home with us. Not so easy in -30. Plus we built an awesome little porch for the winter and I just love it, but it is not movable. It gives us somewhere to put big coats and boots all our extra stuff. 🧐

My health continues to be good. I am following my Doctor from Mexico’s advice and I am one month on and one month off my hoxsey. I made sure to be off the month of December as I have been on a very restricted diet for the last five years over Christmas. I can’t wait to eat everything this year. Lol lol 🥩🥞🌽🍅🫒🥨🥯🍗🥚🍚🍿🍫🧁🍷🥂etc etc etc.

Jamie finished up work today and now is off for the Christmas break, a couple weeks. We are looking forward to no 4:30 am mornings. Then all hell will break loose again. Bigger and better things for us in 2022. This last year was a doozie. But I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else. Love ya Babe ❤️😍😘🥰

Tonight’s sayings : Please be patient with me. You see, I lost my child. And while it might seem like a long time ago to you. It is everyday to me. 😢

#2: Just because someone seems to wear their grief well, doesn’t mean they still aren’t in pain.

#3: There is no greater gift you can give someone in grief, than to ask them about their loved one. AND then, really listen.

#4: some days she’s a warrior. Some days she’s a broken mess. Most days she’s a bit of both, but everyday she’s there. Standing…Fighting…Trying…

Merry Christmas Everyone 🎅🏻 🎄

Beth 😇