December 2nd/2016 

I was so glad that tomorrow was my last test in a series of tests I have had to check and see if I had cancer anywhere else in my body. 

BUT this is not going to happen. I got a call from the place ( not mentioning and names) I was supposed to go to for my CT scan tomorrow. The lady (I use that name because she didn’t tell me who she was just that she was calling from the CT office) . Anyway ! This lady called to tell me the CT machine was not working right and they would have to change my appointment, I got pretty upset ( I mean sad) and started to cry. I told her I have been waiting and waiting to get these tests done and it is so frustrating that they keep getting re-scheduled time after time. Does no one make an appointment and they actually go that day ? Well because I was crying when I started to question her as to why. She ( the lady) got flustered and said just a minute I will check with the technician and see what the “real” problem is. Then someone else comes to the phone ( another lady) who tells me they can’t do this scan because my renal count is only 40.  (I have dealt with this before my urologist says that is perfectly normal for someone with just one kidney) . I tried to explaine this to her. I told her to call my dr but she said what do u think I am?  I told her I didn’t know she never introduced herself to me. She said I am a doctor ( I did get her name for use later ) She said that this place can not do An I V for me.  Really is it not a hospital ? I said so what is going on is your CT not working or you can’t do this because of my kidney function? She says it is my kidney function. ( the CT scan machine is WORKING ) I was really crying now. SO frustrated.  She said sorry but nothing she can do for me. They will re-book me somewhere else. ( WHAT somewhere else can do it?). Now I am really confused. I tried to call my kidney cancer Doctor and my breast cancer Doctor but of course no one is available today.  

Finally about a 1/2 hour later this “Doctor” calls back to tell me they can do it if I sign a paper saying that will take no responsibility for me getting this test. And that I will be at risk to get it. Really who would sign that ?  BUT. I can go to a different place on Monday to get it done anyway.  (After I waited 2 weeks to get in here now suddenly somewhere else can get me in … In only 4 days. ) I felt like I lost my mind. It seems so stupid.  She was so rude and ignorant on the phone, I told her it was so frustrating and she said welcome to the medical system.. Really!!!! Then a nurse took the phone and booked me for Monday at 8 am at the Grey Nuns  early and far. But glad to be able to go. So now the CT scan is Monday .  ( I think someone wanted a Friday off at me expense)  I now see the breast cancer surgeon on Tuesday thank God they we’re accommodating and could move me a day. 

So my afternoon was lots crying and very frustrated ….. But I did  get it all re-booked so I feel better now …..back on the road. We just need some answers and something to start happening. 

My days of waiting are so long but my nights are even longer. I have talked to lots of ladies who have done this breast cancer journey before me. They all say that nights are bad and you get very little sleep. (If I could just turn this brain off. But it seems midnight is when I do my best decision making).  At least until we start some sort of treatment. Whatever that might be.  I almost hate to tell my family that this appointment has been changed again. They are all just as frustrated with the waiting as I am.  But wait me must. 

The one bright spot in this is that after you are told you have breast cancer you are set up with the Canadian Breast Cancer Associarion. And a nurse navigator is assigned to you my nurse is Debbie she is so good to talk to she understands all this and is so sympathetic when I call her.  Kind of like a Mom person who really cares about you and what you are going through. ( because I no longer have a Mom she is really great ) she can take my good and bad days and then I don’t  need to cry on all my real family.  Because I know they are worrying 

  My Auntie Kay once told me that crying is good for you it gets your endorphins going. …. Endorphins : help relieve pain and induce feelings of pleasure or euphoria. Not sure if I would go that far but. A good cry gets you going again. So here is me saying. You can knock me down but I get right back up. So strong I am 🏋🏼

Beth😇