February 7/2017 

I definatley am seeing some improvements. Baby steps but improvements. I put the Kleenex box back on top of the fridge and I can reach it now if I need one.my arms are working.  I have had a step beside my bed ever since I had my accident and broke my pelvis. I took it out to the garage yesterday. I now can get in and out of bed without it. My legs are working. I know they are small things but to me it is improvement that I really need to see,these days 😊

I had a breast cancer “Angel” survivor come by to see me last night. It was just the visit I needed at this time. We sat and talked for 2 hours. It was so nice to actually talk to someone who has been on this breast cancer journey before me. She had so much advise and knowledge for me.  I am not ever sure she realized how much she helped me. I got a few new scarves from her for after I loose my hair and some great ideas for some bolt on’s as Mac calls them. She even brought me a meal. We talked about the before the during and after. We shed a few tears. She made me feel so calm and ready to face this next big step. I can’t thank you enough Debbie, you helped more than you will ever know. I plan to keep in touch more with you.  Thanks again ❤️

So tomorrow is my “BIG” day. I go to the Cross Cancer Institute, just typing that name out gives me the creeps. Saying it out loud brings tears to my eyes. But I am ready as I am going to be. I just want to get this started so I can get it over with. I have heard so much, and read so much,that I want to go there and get the actually truths as to my course of action. 

I  work very hard at not letting myself get down, or to scared, or just to worked up at things that are out of my control.  I talk about never wanting to go into the big black hole I fell into head first when BJ died. It is a very scary place to be. And a very very difficult place to get out off. So if I feel myself standing  on the edge looking into that hole I pull myself back as fast as I can. I have come close to that edge a few times in the last few months but I have not fallen in again. So I am sorry if some of my posts were a little down or sad. I don’t want any pity, this is not about that.  I find it very healing to write my thoughts down. Good, bad and whatever. This is just my journey. My journey alone. Although I have lots of supporters and so many friends and family all helping me. This is one journey no one else can do for me. I want to thank everyone for the phone calls the food the letters and texts. All of that has helped me on my rough days. Kept me from entering that big hole. I can’t say thank you enough to everyone. I hope you will continue to follow me as I conquer this next step in my journey. Love to everyone ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Tonight’s little saying : When you can tell your story, and it dosent make you cry, you know you have healed.  So that’s my goal. 👍🏻

Beth 😇