March 13/2017
I had a really rough night last night. I was up sick all night. I keep taking the meds to help with the nausea but I wonder sometimes if I would be better just throwing up and getting it over with??? This kind of nausea is the absolute worst, nothing….nothing makes it better. The minutes on the clock go by so slow. I couldn’t wait for morning only to find I was still sick this morning. Uggg
I layed awake for hours last night thinking I’ve had enough of this already and I am only two treatments into my six of chemo. How much can a body take? Then I remembered the young boy beside me last week at my chemo he was on treatment 37. I pray to God I get all the cancer cells with this round of treatment, I really don’t ever want to go through this again. I wonder how many people before me have felt just this way? It is hard not to get a little down when you are that sick. The couch and my shawl have been my faithful friends today. I think being bald all my body heat is going out my head, I am cold all the time. I am not wearing my hats in the house, just when I go out. Then today when my doorbell rang I dragged myself off the couch and almost answered the door with my poor spotty bald head, luckily I left my hat on the counter where I had to walk by it to get to the door. I might have scared my friend Leah. Lol lol. My friends have been so nice Leah read my blog where I was saying I just can’t drink water, she brought me a case of some special water and flavour packets to put in it to maybe get me drinking it. I am going to give it a good try. Thanks Leah ❤️
A thanks to my friend Lyla too she sent Kelly over with some homemade chicken noodle soup for me. It was delicious Lyla and just the right thing for me at that time. Thanks so much 😊
I have all these papers I have to fill out each day on my progress or lack of. “They” told me at the cross that my treatments should follow the same each time so keeping track will help me to know what to expect. But this time is totally different than last, so there goes that theory. Who makes theses things up? Somebody with nothing better to do I think. I was told to bring these papers back with me on chemo day. Then guess what? Nobody there wanted them that day. So I guess it is just for me. Even though it is not really working. 🙆🏼
My last complaining for today. When I was a teenager we used to go to our friends houses and have big bon fires, one time I went to one and the guys decided to burned old tires. I got home that night ( lucky my Dad was sleeping), I went into the bathroom to wash up and the only white thing on me was my eyes. I was totally black all over from the soot from the tires. I remember how hard it was to wash off but worse the smell and the taste it left in my mouth, I had the taste for days. I just hated that nauseating taste. Well I have that same taste from the chemo. It took me a while to figure out what the terrible taste was. That is why everything tastes so bad, I have the taste of burnt rubber in my mouth all the time. Makes me wonder what that chemo is burning inside me to give me that taste? I think if I could get rid of that the nausea would also be better. Ok enough now. Better days are coming. RIGHT ????
My saying for today : The Devil whispered in my ear, ” You’re not strong enough to withstand this storm.” Today I whispered in the Devils ear, ” I am the storm.”
Beth 😇
2 Things We Can Live Without 
Oh man Beth, this sounds so familiar. When Dad was going through chemo he had some pretty strange things happen too. His tastebuds were completely changed, so good didn’t have the same taste, so he never wanted to eat. We were told that watermelon and fish were really good for him because they are alkaline foods and disease cannot bribe in an alkaline (basic) environment. And watermelon was a huge help because it also has so much water in it so he kept hydrated. Better days ARE ahead. You are so strong, and that is not surprising at all ❤. Xo
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I think for your progress notes you should give “them” a link to your Blog on the forms/papers “they” want you to complete. I would love to be a fly on their walls when they read it.
It will make them fully understand what you go through before, during AND after each treatment.
I don’t think there is anything better than your Blog updates as written to all of us – and I think it might help many of your healthcare providers understand your true feelings (and the fact that the majority need training on (at the bare minimum) -empathy)
Better days will come, yes. I know from reading your thoughts that this feels like forever already.
You do have so many close supportive friends and family members that are helping you.
It is a shame that cancer still has no cure.
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Beth – my apologies on my last sentence in my recent comment. My intention was only to mean that it is a shame that when cancer is diagnosed, a person has to go through such horrible treatment stages as opposed to receiving a prescription for antibiotics – take it for 10 days or so and then the cancer is gone.
Where is all the funding going for “cancer”? For so many decades millions of dollars have been raised and is STILL being raised every day – is it being spent in the right (medical) way?
I look forward to and “read” your Blog as soon as it pops up in my email but don’t “live” it. Very frustrating to hear your pain and all the side effects. You continue to be truly amazing to hold it together as you are and have been doing since the first cancer was diagnosed.
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Beth,
I read that same quote the other day and I immediately thought of you. You keep whispering until it comes out as a shout, that you are the storm ! The sunny days are around the corner!❤😘 Love you lots! Mickey
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⭕️Rage on Beth!
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