March 19/2017 

Three months ago today I woke up in the hospital and I had a double mastectomy. It was pretty horrific. I knew that day my life as I knew was never going to be the same. I didn’t even know then myself how true those words were going to be. 

I have come a long way since that day, so don’t get me wrong this is no pity party. I remember thinking, will I ever be able to use my arms the same again. But here I am rocking that, my arms can do a full circle and I am lifting heavier things everyday. I really am also getting used to having no breasts and I seem to be rocking that too. I have no interest in wearing some kind of stuffies as they call them at the cross or doing reconstructive surgery either. I know that could change in time, for now I am getting used to me and I am ok with her. 

Here is something that is bothering me, there is this comercial on TV. It is about cancer and how we as Albertans can “STOP” cancer. I get mad every time I see it. They seem to imply that everyone with cancer is not taking care of them selves. Not eating right, to much sun, smoking, drinking, blah blah blah. What a bunch of “bull shit” ( excuse the swearing  I wanted to say worse)  as though those things cause all cancers?? Then everyone who has ever smoked or drank is going to get cancer, ok everyone only buy the organic stuff at Safeway, don’t go around anyone who “DOES” have cancer you might catch it  Sorry!!!!!! but you can see this comercial gets to me. How does that get passed to go on TV I really wonder? Although I really wish I knew what did cause my two cancers, I know it is not from smoking or drinking. And yet those two things are listed as the number one and number two things that cause my two cancers. More ” bull shit” sorry again but I have been think of this for a couple of days. That is my rant, I would love to hear what everyone else thibks of that comercial?

Now a real world problem for me, guys might not like to read this !!!!! WARNING !!!!! I have tried to wear some simple little bras, kind of like trainer ones, also some just circle ones that go around me. I am not sure why I am trying to wear these but I have for 45 years so I just feel like I should. Anyway I wear them for an hour when I go out, and then I have to go to a bathroom and pull them down they get all wrapped up around my neck. So very uncomfortable I don’t know what to do to fix this. Usually I take it off and put it in my purse. Who knew you needed boobies to hold bras in place? I think I will go to the store for prosthetic boobies and see if they have any suggestions. Or maybe just good old duck tape. Any help in this area from anyone would also be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance 

Her is some not such great stuff to talk about either. The chemo hit me very different this time I was so good for the first 5 days then smack right into a brick wall. I got very sick with nausea, anyone who gets nausious knows that it can wreak havoc on you. I just can’t get anything done I feel like throwing up all the time. That went from Sunday night all the way to Friday. Long week my friends, long week. It also zapped the energy right out of me, I went from bed to couch to chair to couch to bed all week. That is until Friday night when this damned Chemo decided to give me another side effect…….not a very pretty one at that I got ” diaheria” the most severe I have ever had. I can hardly leave the bathroom.

Then on Saturday I had made plans to see my Grandaughters and Jolee with Cathy, Desiee and Charlotte to get together at Mac Donald’s in St Albert. I just decided I would not eat that morning. I still spent all morning on the toilet but I thought I could get there ok. The kids were so excited to see me, you see they had not seen me yet with no hair,although I was wearing my little hat they touched it and they noticed everything my earrings, my eyemake up, my glasses. It was so cute. Hannah told me I was so beautiful…..out of the mouths of babies. Ava just sat with me and held my hand and talked to me eye to eye for a good 10 minutes. And little Chloee she hugged me so tight she squished me. So much love from 3 little ladies I wish never even had to know what cancer was, or even chemo. I am one lucky Mama ❤️

After being up most of the night in the bathroom, I had made plans to go see my Dad today too. Again no food before I go but it really makes no difference. Lynne and Danielle also came and we had a really nice visit and breakfast out Papa’s treat. Although I knew I would pay later for eating I still did eat. (Pay later I did) I have not been going to my Dad’s place to visit him because he said so many of the seniors were sick a this place. I can’t afford to get any kind of sickness right now and screw up getting those toxic chemicals they call chemo into my body. Nope don’t want to mess with that 👍🏻😢

Today’s little saying: Be Strong When You Are Weak…Be Brave When You Are Scared…Be Humble When You Are Victorious…Be Badass Every Single Day…🏋🏼

Beth 😇