Thursday March 22/2018

The days are short and the nights are long. Or so that is what it seems to me lately. I seem to be tired all day and yet can’t fall asleep at night. This has been going on for a few weeks now. So needless to say I don’t seem to be able to get much done day or night. I guess that is ok. Or maybe just……I am going with that anyway. 

I am wearing my arm sock everyday and the gauntlet ( hand sock) it seems to be keeping the swelling from getting any worse. But I do find the sock a little annoying some days. I met a lady at the airport coming home from Mexico who was also wearing a arm sock and she told me to be sure to keep wearing it because she showed me her arm it was so huge she  said you don’t want to let your arm get like this. Yup !!! She is right. So I will continue to wear the sock for better or worse. 

Angie and I are planning our trip to Mexico with a phone call every other day on what we’re doing, what we need to take, all the arrangements are made, flights and hotel booked. Now just to go. We are staying on the San Diego side again as we both feel more comfortable with that. Angie has been to San Diego before so she plans on showing me around a bit, I was to sick the first time to tour and really not interested the second time. So hopefully this time we can see a bit of San Diego. 

The closer I get to going to Mexico the more panic that sets in. I really am trying not to read very much anymore on my type of breast cancer because it is all so bad it really brings me down. Then I go for a few days all good and I see something on TV or hear something on the radio about women with breast cancer doing good for a year or two then it comes back and that is it nothing else they can do for you. Again I start to plan my being gone ( dead) and it is so difficult.  Not so much for me but for everyone that I leave behind. Jamie, Mac, the grandkids. It is so scary. I can not even say the terror it gives to me. For my family has felt the sting of death so very close to us. It takes years and years to move on from the death of someone you love so very much. I never want to give my family that pain. But that is my reality. Just sayin !!! 

Spending some time with the grandkids lately. The true pleasures of life ❤️ Tonight we bought them all McDonalds before we went to Austins finals in hockey. Then we promised them all new running shoes for school, Hannah and Ava got there’s the night we went to the movies. So tonight after hockey was Chloee’s turns she was so excited, but poor Ava just wanted to come alone and her Dad said no. She cried and as a true redhead she got all spotty on her face and neck it broke my heart. Next time I might just have to fight a little harder for her. I am sure Chloee would not have minded. Chloee had a blast and picked out the perfect pair of shoes and would not even wear them home as to not get them dirty. Jamie and I both laughed. 

Tomorrow is another day in my journey through cancer and life. Everyday is another day I am so thankful for. Even though I feel like time is moving in slow motion. I am glad to have time at all 😀

Todays saying : “Home” is not a place, it’s a feeling. 

Beth 😇