March 31/2018

Just got to the airport heading back to San Diego/Tijuana for more treatment for my cancer. This trip seems even harder than the last two not sure why. I think getting to the airport by myself was a little tough and saying good bye to Jamie was very tough. Things never work out for us, of course he is staying home because of work. I didn’t cry in front of him but I got pretty teary as he drove away, and tears ran down my cheek as I walked into the terminal alone, luggage in hand. 😪😢

But lucky me my girlfriend Angie is meeting me in Calgary as we connect to go onto San Diego together. I am sure we will have lots of fun there as Angie has been to San Diego many times and knows her way around. She promises to show me the sights that I have never before seen. Mostly because I was to sick the first time and then just starting to get back on my feet the second time. I hear the trolley system is pretty awesome, and I look forward to Angie showing me the ropes. That is of course after our long days at the clinic and hopefully crossing the border with no problems everyday. 👍🏻

This is the Easter weekend and a year ago at Easter time I was about 1/2 way through my chemo and I was very very ill. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself I was so so sick. Just putting one foot in front of the other was a chore for me. Lynne hosted Easter dinner at her house and I sat in a chair all wrapped up in a heating blanket and forced myself to eat a teaspoon of turkey. Everyone was trying so hard to get me to eat and try to participate but I was really out of it. So glad I am a year forward into my journey and I don’t ever want to look back. 

This year my family is spread all over the place for Easter. I will be in San Diego, Jamie will be in Gibbons, Mac is in Moose Jaw, and Gordon in Camrose. What a difference a year makes. But the Best Of Easter Wishes to all my family. May the Easter Bunny be good to all of you. 🐇This goes for you Cathy and Lynne and your families too. ❤️

As I was preparing for this trip to San Diego/Tijuana I was going back to my very first trip down there. Going into the unknown not knowing what to expect, how really scared I was. Then I think of how lucky I was to have found this place a diamond in the rough. How this clinic has given me a quality of life again. Brought me back from the brink of death And I mean the brink of death. I will never not feel for anyone going through cancer and cancer treatments again. Because I know this is a very difficult journey to be on. 

This brings me to my last blog, I wrote about the fear of death and dying, how I always have in the back of my mind that leaving the ones I love will be so very hard for me. Well Mac took that post a little tough,  he told me to stop thinking that way. Because I am not going to die anytime soon. Then Gordon thought I sounded a little depressed.  I just wanted to say that I am not planning on dieing anytime soon, and I am not depressed. But I challenge anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis not to have these thoughts go through your head. I know the reality of this “C” word and I don’t like it. But all I can do now that I have it is take the best care of myself that I can, continue with these treatments in Tijuana and hope for the best. All along living my life as normal as possible. I can go days without worrying then all of a sudden I can’t stop worrying. I will go for nights without sleep as I lay awake all night worrying about what I need to do next to keep myself alive longer. But in the end it is out of my hands, and I truly have no control over this big bad ugly cancer. I will try my very hardest to fight it and try never to let it get me down. But I am only human and “Cancer” scared the shit out of me. As my boys all say ” We got this ” let’s just pray that is true ❤️ 

So to my boys (all of you) I will keep positive as I can. But on the days that I need a little reassurance because I am scared and overwhelmed, I hope you will give me a pass. I know you are all in my corner and I am forever greatfull for that. Moving forward….lets go kick this cancer in the butt. “We Got This Boys” 😘😘😘

Today’s saying: I am a strong person, but every once in a while I need someone to hug me and tell me, ” Everything is going to be alright” …….❤️

Beth 😇