We are finally into spring. Well kind of!! It was cold enough to snow yesterday but we didn’t get any. They sure did south, Calgary got a real wallop of the white stuff. Then today we went to town hit a little rain then snow and when we came home nice and sunny not even a drop of rain here. That is spring in Alberta. Lol lol

Jamie and I got home from Mexico and got right into renovations and yard work. We added a extra bedroom downstairs with the help of Jamie’s brother Shaun. They did a fantastic job and it looks great. Now I get to do the fun stuff ….decorating. We have also started yard work. This time of year it is a lot of work getting everything ready. I am so glad that Jamie is home to help get me going. Lots to do yet.

I did something else since home from Mexico. I got myself a new set of boobs. Not implants but ones that look very real and fit into special bras. I went to Congdon’s they were so helpful and helped me pick the size and style and then helped me fit them with a bra. I tell ya 2 and 1/2 years without boobs I forgot a lot. Like how heavy they are. But these ones will not ride up to my chin so that’s a good thing. I asked the sales lady about sizes they don’t come A,B,C they come from number 2 to number 14. I said ok what is a 2 she said like a young girl and then I said a 14 she said like a watermelon. So no melons for me I said. I got just the right size for me. A little smaller then my old ones. But these one are nice and perky no sagging for me. Then you need special bras for these new boobs to fit in. Yup you sure do. All done and up to the front to pay I go. It occurred to me I never asked price. I had only asked size. So I ask my nice sales lady how much are these bad boys. She tells me $350.00 I was wow who knew a set boobs were so expensive. She then tells me that is only for one. Yes ladies $700.00 for a set of new boobs and that doesn’t count the 2 $100.00 bras I need to fit them in. $900.00 for boobs and bras. ( But they come with really pretty boxes to keep them in she told me.) I am sure my mouth dropped open and the sales lady says not to worry 75% is cover by the government. Wow that’s great I said. Then she says after 65 they are 100% covered, well that really got me because the fact that I had triple negative breast cancer at the age of 56 years old. I hope I live long enough to get a free set. Like really !!!!! Anyway off I go with my new boobs actually on as I left the store. To my Jamie waiting in the car for me. I proudly showed them off to him and we both laughed. So now I proudly own 2 beautiful new boobs that are sitting in the beautiful box’s because I need the skin under my arms that was left from surgery removed because after one long day of wearing my new boobs those lumps were very soar. This brings me to this week going back to my surgeon to get her mistakes fixed under my arms. Always something. 🤪🤪

This last few weeks have been really rough for me. April 20 th was the anniversary of BJ’s death. “23” years have gone by without him. I can not believe we have lived this long without him. It seems just impossible. Yet here we are and it is possible. This is always a sad time of year for me and my family. Then to make things worse Jamie’s cousin “little Kelly” died at the age of 45 from a heart attack. It is just so devastating to see such a young man with his whole life ahead of him dead. It breaks my heart 💔. I pray for his wife and kids and family to get through these very difficult first few weeks and then the tough year ahead. I never want anyone to ever go through this terrible road of grief. It is just so painful. Even 23 years later. Then on top of that a man that I became friends with in Tijuana at the clinic I go to for my cancer “Denis” also died and I just feel broken so so sad for his wife and family too. He fought so hard to live.❤️ I will remember these two men in my prayers for years to come. As they left footprints on my heart.

Family is so important to all of us. Death is so hard on all of us. I find myself these days just wanting to crawl in a hole and have a good cry all by myself. Just scream and yell and get all my sadness and grief out. But I know grief never ever goes away. You cannot explain grief to anyone, only those of us who have gone through it truly knows what it is.. it is the deepest darkest part of my life. Where a piece of my heart is missing never to be filled again. Then we put on our happy faces and go out into the world and “23” years goes by slowly and painfully to us. I miss you BJ everyday and always ❤️❤️

Today’s saying: Please be patient with me. You see, I lost my child. And while it might seem like a long time to you. It’s everyday for me.

Beth 😇