Tonight I am going to change it up a bit. I am going to write about feelings……

As many of you know I had a son die. 23 years ago, I can not believe it has been that long. Many many times a day I think of him, I know some people won’t believe that. But it is so true. There is always an empty spot in my life where he should be. Where he will always belong. I was visiting with some friends recently who have just lost their son. And I felt such pain for them. The first few weeks and months and even years go by without you really even knowing what is happening. It is all such a blur. And it is so terribly painful. No one can ever imagine the pain of losing a child unless you have been there. I wish that pain on no one ever.

As I was preparing myself to go visit this couple and offer my condolences and maybe a little insight on the death of a child. I was trying to think of things to tell them that might help. I remembered how much at the beginning all I wanted to do was to die and go be with BJ to see him again. I thought only of myself and not how it would hurt the rest of my family if I died too. But then I thought about “NOW”. As I was diagnosed with my cancer and I was told that there was nothing else they could do for me. I remember thinking. I am not ready to die I need to fight, I need to get better. And here I am rocking it. Doing so much better. My cancer is at bay and I am so happy about that. For me and for my family.

But that is not my story …. you see I just realized I am finally at a point in my life where I can say I really want to live. Even though I have a child who died who is in heaven waiting for me to join him one day. I WANT TO LIVE…. 23 years ago I prayed God would take me it was the only way to end my pain. Now I pray to live. There is life after a death. I never thought I would see it. Or feel it. I hope this couple who are in the very beginnings of this painful journey. Can read this and see that life does go on. As hard as it is to believe. I pray they find peace as they travel this journey. And know they are not alone ❤️

I had the pleasure of my two granddaughters stay with me for a week this July. I was so excited for them to come. We had a week of pure fun. I was so so happy to spend time with them. I have so much love for these two girls. There is nothing like time with your childs children. Hopefully I get another chance to spend some time with them before school starts. Fingers crossed. 🤞🏻

I also spent some time with my grandsons too. My oldest grandson is old enough to cut grass so he helped a couple of weeks ago with that. Bonus for me. We shared a Friday afternoon and some pizza. So much love for these young gentlemen. And so appreciative for the yard help.

I have spent most of the summer alone as Jamie is off in BC working. Some alone time is good for everybody. BUT I have had my fill. I am getting ready to head to small town BC to spend some quality time with my honey and catch up on “US” time. Although I am not looking forward to the 20 hour drive….ok 7 hour feels like 20 hours. I am looking forward to some time away for all this yard work.

Now my cancer follow ups. I am finally going in to see about getting these dogs ears removed from under my arms. My appointment is August 7th. I wonder how long it will take to get in and have them removed? Hopefully by next summer. Lol lol

Finally I have a “BIG” milestone coming up in September as I turn “60” this year. Again with the wanting to live…here is to “60” more years. Lol lol ….I plan on rockin the 60ies and living my life to the fullest. Yes cancer sucks. And the death of my son was even worse. Let’s see what is in store for me in the future.

Tonight’s saying : Time is precious….Don’t waste it !

Also : Memories Never Die ❤️❤️

Beth😇