I started my blog almost seven years ago. Mostly to let my friends and family in on my journey of cancer. Oh boy what a journey. I first had kidney cancer, then breast cancer, then thyroid cancer. What a rollercoaster of a trip and emotions. I have some awful news again, and it breaks my heart to say I am fighting yet another cancer. This time it is metastasized breast cancer. I have taken a few weeks to write about my cancer this time as I needed time to wrap my head around it all. I was very devastating when I learned I had cancer again. I took a good week of feeling sorry for myself, as Jamie stood solidly beside me, but let me have my moment that I so badly needed. I actually have taken more like 6 weeks to get myself together, I am not sure I am ready for this battle, but like so many before me, I have no choice. Cancer is a vicious beast and spares no one. It plays no favourites, and takes way to many people way before there time on earth should be done. I will not give in that easily. I will fight as long as I can. That being said who knows how hard the fight will be. 😢😢

As per usual you have no idea how the medical system works until you are at its mercy. I am for sure at its mercy now. I first found another lump on my left side where my cancer was the first time. I went to my doctor who said it’s nothing just a little cyst, “ BUT” we will get an ultrasound to be sure, just a precaution. I was booked in for the ultrasound. I was not to worried at first. Then the technician said I have a co-worker who is a little better at this so I want another opinion. I wasn’t to concerned yet. Then they both left the room, and when they came back they said the doctor wants to talk with you. Fear set in. I have been this road before, exactly the same as last time. I knew this was not good. The doctor came in and told me he was sure it was metastasized breast cancer. (I cried so hard in that little room I was sobbing. I had enough of this cancer. I am done with it. But that’s not how it works). He was going to send me for a biopsy. This was a Wednesday, he said he would put a rush on it because of my cancer history and get me in Monday or Tuesday. Of course Monday and Tuesday came no call. I called my doctors office, the nurse said she would look into it. (It actually said rush on my My Alberta ID) she called me Thursday to say she spoke with the doctor and he confirmed he wanted a rush. BUT somehow my paperwork got lost in a pile. Now it’s Friday of the May long weekend so I know nothing will happen before Tuesday. Finally a call Tuesday to say I will get in for biopsy on Friday. They told me I would get results by the following Wednesday. Nope no call I called Thursday to see if there were any results. They said hopefully by Monday or Tuesday of the following week. Nope I got my results again my My Alberta ID Friday at 4:30 pm. POSITIVE for cancer. Really!! Friday at 4:30 pm when I could call no one to ask any questions. Again I sat with it all weekend. I had lots of tears that weekend too. Finally I called my doctor Monday. He went over results wth me. Yes it’s cancer Beth. I heard him say it, even though I already knew I hated to hear him say it.

Now the work begins. Before I even get an Oncologist I need to do a battery of tests, ultra sound ( first one was not good enough had to go back for second one..(“Of course I did ) a lot of blood work twice, as well a bone scan done at nuclear medicine clinic where I got a dye injected, then a CT more dye injected and drank some as well, more blood and urine as others were inconclusive. I think I am done finally. I have all the results in now, I again called my doctor he set me up with breast cancer clinic, and the surgeon who did my original breast cancer surgery. I received a call today from my surgeons office saying that my family doctor requested a rush on seeing me. My appointment is for July 11th. 3 weeks away. Lucky it is a rush. I have now been two months since I first found out and started this nightmare again.

Some of the hardest part about this journey is having to tell my kids and then my grandkids. My boys are very positive and say that they know I will fight it again and win again. But tell my grandkids was awful. They remember how sick I was last time. They wanted to know if I was going to die. I said I sure hope not. They all cried big tears it broke my heart. I never want them to worry about big ugly things like CANCER. But the reality is very few people get through life without either having cancer or knowing someone who has cancer. It affects so so many of us. I wish kids never had to worry about such horrible things as death and cancer. My family has had their share with me now going through number 4. It’s to much for my family. I hate it 😢😢

For some good news Jamie and I bought a new car. A Mini Cooper. I love it. I can park it in our underground parkade with ease. It is so fun to drive around. It’s been a good thing to keep my mind off of my troubles these days. Thanks to Jamie for making a small dream come true. My forever hero ❤️🥰

So much ugly news in this blog tonight. Hopefully my next one will be a little longer, and have some good news. I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks for reading my blog 😍😘

Tonight’s thoughts : And some days the tears sit under the surface of my eyelids one moment, one memory away from spilling out in endless torrents.

Second thought : life is like a helicopter……. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter. ❤️

Third thought : strength is what we gain from the madness we survive.

Beth 😇