I started this blog seven years ago to write about my cancer journey. I have not had a lot to say about cancer for a few years. Which was great for me. But I am again in the bowels of cancer. I am very sad 😢 about it and I have needed to take some time to write about it. I did write that I had found a lump back in April. That after months of tests and doctor visits I did have cancer again. The process is painfully slow and you only see how flawed the system is when you are in need of it. I had surgery in July to remove the lump I found. Then had the stitches removed a month later. After that my surgeon said I was put in the queue to see an Oncologist at the Cross Cancer. She was very positive and told me I might not need chemo this time, she would refer me to the Cross where they would make the final decision. Making me feel like it was all out of my hands. I really expected it to take a few months to all come together. But much to my surprise I got a call within a week. I was moved up the queue quickly they told me because this was my fourth bout with cancer. Ohhhh that’s what you need to get in quickly ?????? Anyway I had my appointment with the Oncologist on this last Wednesday. Of course it did not go as I wanted. My doctor told me my best chance to live longer is chemo. 😢😢

I really really like the new Oncologist I got this time also his intern.( as my last oncologist died through Covid ) This intern was very very nice. She did my exam first then explained all the chemo protocol I would be on. We agreed I could not do the same as last time because that’s what almost killed me. ( I did have some say) Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. For me that was very true. I am doing a whole different treatment this time. I also need these special shots that I was supposed to get last time but got to sick to get them. This time I will get them first. They are crazy expensive $2500.00 each and I need 4. They are given 24 hours after chemo. They are covered by a special program for people who don’t have that much medical coverage. Which we do not. So I am very glad to find that out. Of course I had to do about 10 pages of info on myself, three different phone calls from different programs, but in the end I did qualify……big pressure off my shoulders.

I am really trying to stay positive. It is much easier said than done. My heart is broken 💔 that I must go through all this again. My Oncologist said I will be very sick as this is a side effect of the chemo, I will loose my hair within a week, also I will have very soar muscles from the shot they are giving me to boost my immune system, as that is the side effect from that, my nail beds could turn black and if they do they will stay that way. Nail polish here I come. Because of course that will happen to me. My dr told me that with this chemo I have a 70% chance at 5 more years of life. It doesn’t sound like enough, I know that. But it is 5 more than I have without treatment. I need 4 rounds of chemo every three weeks for 3 months. If all goes well it will take three months if any problems a little longer. I am praying 🙏🏻 for no problems. The last place I want to go these days is a hospital. 🤞🏻❤️

I had to tell my grandkids again that I was going to go through chemo, they really don’t remember much from last time as that was 7 years ago they were much younger. This time they know a lot more about it. Because I have all teenagers but one. Ava said to me your the toughest Mama I know. ( it broke my heart 💔 but also gave me such a feeling of love ❤️ from this girl who I love so so much, as I love them all) You got this she said. Which is what Mac says to me all the time. We got this Mom ❤️ Jamie is my rock always encouraging me. He even took me scarf shopping yesterday, for my soon to be bald head. I know I have all their support but I really don’t look forward to being that sick again. Cancer sucks. Chemo sucks more.

So here I go again another round of cancer another round of chemo. I am going to fight this terrible disease with all I have again. I just can’t let this cancer beat me. I won’t let this cancer beat me. I will fight this like a girl. Like the tough girl I am. We got this Mac/Jamie. We got this. to my grandkids. To all my family, watch me fight this like I can ❤️❤️

I will try to keep my blog up, to bring everyone up to date on my progress and my fight. Hopefully I am not to sick to keep writing, as it is an outlet for me to process through this terrible disease. I am going to keep moving on everyday I have left because there is no other way of life. You just have to decide whether you are a Tigger or an Eeyore.

Todays saying : Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow .

#2: The comeback is always stronger than the setback.

#3: Sometimes it’s just out of your hands. ❤️

Beth 😇