I guess I start with I am sorry. I didn’t blog through my chemo treatment at all this time. Partly because I was so scared, because I knew what I was in for. Chemo did not disappoint either. It so sucks. I went through 4 rounds so I actually did one more that my first time. This was a different chemo than the first time as well. some parts were better I didn’t spend days on the bathroom floor sick. But I did spend days on my couch sick. I had about every side effect there could be. Even my Oncologist said I had everything I could possibly get. First I had really really soar muscles and bone pain all over my body, was so painful I was in tears. We called the triages at the Cross of course there is something for it “a pill” why the hell didn’t you give me it ahead of time? Especially if you knew I could get this pain. Took two days to get over that bout, some nausea and a few things like a burnt mouth and the taste of burnt tires. I got through round one !!!!!! I did loose my hair 10 days in as I was also told would happen. Bald is beautiful. Kind of. Chemo sucks. 😳

Round two was 3 weeks later just as I was starting to feel better. Off we go again. I always go the day before chemo for blood tests and to see my Oncologist, he just makes sure everything is good to do chemo. Yup all good. Chemo the next day. This time I was more relaxed the sad part is nobody I mean other patients even talk to each other it is such a cold depressing place. Everyone just hunkers down and gets on with chemo. As did I. I went home and started the pills right away to keep away the bone/muscle pain that I had the first time. Thank you Jesus I didn’t get it. Yippie. But of course something else comes in it’s place. I got hives all over my head from my forehead to the back of my neck only on my head but I was covered. Probably about 200 it was so painful I could hardly sleep. It hurt to lay on my head. I got through round two. One other bad thing happened at this time. I fell and broke my elbow. Ouch !! Oh my gawd, bald with soars all over my head , sick, and now only one wing working 🧐🤭 I had to laugh or I would cry. Chemo sucks

Round three came and my head was just getting better. I was very paranoid to-get these soars again. My Oncologist said he would give me a antihistamine before chemo it would help. So off to chemo the next day, I ask the nurse about the antihistamine my Dr forgot to order it. Took an hour to find him to order it then to get it to me. Oh boy !!! Finally I got it going. Then the chemo next, I always get the nurse to turn the intravenous machine towards me so I can watch it. But this time she told me don’t worry I sit right here I always watch it. Now remember I only have one arm now, so I can’t reach it. Jamie can’t just sit and watch me for hours so he had gone for a walk. An hour goes by and my nurse says “oops” I forgot to turn it on, remember what a nice nurse I am, so sorry. I was ready to scream. It is a long stressful day there anyway, now I have an extra two hours. No laughing that day. Chemo sucks 🧐

Round four. Finally my last one. Dr says I am tolerating it all pretty good, except for the few side effects. Like WHAT !!!! A few side effects easy for him to say. My tongue is permanently burnt and I have no taste or feeling on my tongue at all. My mouth peels constantly. No smell, I am totally bald. I am so permanently tired I sleep 3 to 4 hours a day then more at night. I live in a condo with stairs. I can go down easily enough but no way I can get backup, elevator it is. Have very little energy to do much of anything. Jamie has become my chief cook and bottle washer. He also does a great job of my groceries now. He might be sorry he showed me he can do these things. Lol lol But I guess really I got through it all pretty well, if I do say so myself. It has been a long 12 weeks. My elbow is finally much better. Both wings working Chemo sucks 🤨

At my last visit with my Oncologist he told me this is all we can do for you now. You have stage “4” metastasized triple negative breast cancer. That’s in case I didn’t know what I had. Go home and live your life. Enjoy your life. Spend quality time with your family. I will be here if you need me again. But remember you have had about as much as a body can take. I really felt he was giving me my last rights. I held Jamie’s had as he told us both all this news. I bit my lip and I said we got this babe. Let’s go 🥰❤️ off we went. Not a work spoke all the way to the car, where I finally let the tears flow. I think I just needed a good cry. I was so happy to be done with this chemo and just the Cross in general. Off we went Jamie and I, off to live our life together. 🥰❤️ Chemo sucks 🙃

So now we are 3 weeks past my last chemo. I have no taste buds yet,or smell but really I never got it back from chemo last time 7 years ago now. Still bald. My body is slowly getting stronger. Brutal how rundown you can get. We have started to put all that behind us as best we can. Now we have moved into Christmas mode. Put our tree up today. Did a little cleaning. Hopefully by Christmas I will feel much stronger. No where to go but UP ⬆️ Chemo sucks 😎

So that’s my chemo journey this time. hopefully that’s the last time I need chemo. Did I say chemo sucks yet ? Because chemo sucks. My life plan is to get my energy back and start going to the gym. Lol lol my sisters both fell of their chairs reading that. Nope not the gym. But hopefully Jamie and I can do some travelling and see some friends, have a great Christmas with family and friends as well. Remember everyone life is short, you never know when your time could be up so go live your life and enjoy it. ❤️❤️

Tonight’s sayings.: I do not need you to save me. But you can cheer me on as I save myself.

Second saying : Some days it takes a lot of work to be okay…..

Beth 😇