Tonight is a really tough post. I have been putting off writing for a while now. I guess putting my head in the clouds is the best way to say it. I found a lump under my left arm back in November and I have not done anything about it. I have had every excuse under the sun. I was toooo busy, it was close to Christmas, then it was Christmas, and the new year ( I knows so what ) but that’s how my mind was working. I am so tired of cancer I thought if I don’t think of it then it won’t exist. BUT the lump is getting bigger, I am finally going to the doctor next Wednesday. When I decided to go I couldn’t get in right away…..of course. 😳

After making the decision to go get my lump checked, I had to do some soul searching because I know that I am having a few more medical issues I think once you have cancer ever time you get any little pain you go right to the word CANCER !!! So maybe more info than anyone wants to know., but I have always been honest on here. I have been suffering with terrible headaches since about November too. I have tried to get in early for my Botox ( which I get for migraines) But they would only do the Botox every three months. I have been having awful trouble with nausea so much so that I am now taking the nausea pills I was on for chemo. They seem to work better than gravel. But the pill only lasts about six hours then I need gravel between taking the chemo/nausea pills. These headaches and the nausea can be a sign of brain cancer I am not saying I have it. But my oncologist did warn me of the possibilities because it is the most common cancer to get after triple negative breast cancer. He told me to watch for headaches. So I guess we will see. Oh boy sometimes life sucks. 😢😢

I know this will bring some stress to my immediate family. I also know they have always been my biggest support system. And I thank God every day that I was so blessed with my Jamie. Mac, Jolee, Hannah, Ava, Austin, Chloee. Also Gordon, Zack, and Riley. My sisters and their families have also been there for me all the way. Even if I am at odds with my oldest sister and her family theses day’s. It really sucks. I do not now or do I EVER want any pity. This blog is not about that, or has it ever been. I want people to understand cancer and how it affects the people with it and everyone around them. Cancer sucks. 🤨 I work very hard at being positive, for myself and everyone around me. I believe being positive is the only way to survive the big “C”. ❤️

I am not scared of cancer, I am not scared of dying……I am one of the lucky ones who has someone so special waiting for me on the other side. I am scared of missing things. Graduations, weddings, summer holidays and just plain holidays. Also of missing my beautiful grandkids growing up. My time with Jamie will always be forever. Because I know that when we get to heaven whoever is first the other will be waiting for them, he is now and always will be MY PERSON, my forever person. I don’t want to worry everyone. I don’t even know if I have cancer right now. But I do have a few worrisome things going on right now with my body. My body does not give me a break as soon as I get comfortable it says oh no not yet. 🤬. Maybe I am worrying for nothing. I guess we will see. I hope that’s true. 💔

My life is so full these days with many other wonderful things. Jamie and I love living in St Albert. We love our condo. We have made some fantastic friends here at our condo. I am also now president of the board 🙃🙃 boy I didn’t see that coming. It keeps me busy, but I love it. This retirement life NOT so bad.

Todays quote : However many tomorrows are left to me, I will miss you in every single one. ( BJ ) 🥰

# 2 : One day they fit between your hand and elbow..and the next they hold you up and keep you strong. ( Mac ) 🥰

# 3 : And I’d choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you. ( Jamie ) 🥰

#4 : So if you are to tired to speak, sit next to me because I too, am fluent in silence.

Beth 😇