Today would be BJ’s “41st” Birthday. I have no idea how I have lived 26 years without him. I remember in the beginning of our nightmare that was the death of our beautiful son. The pain was so intense I could not eat or sleep. I had a hard time even functioning in my everyday life. Mac was the one who suffers the most from my not being able to be there for anyone. Try as I might I could just not do life. The death of my child was so painful to me I prayed for death for myself. But of course that did not happen.

I could not understand what I had done in my life to deserve such torture. And even more what could a 15 year old boy have done to deserve such a horrible death. It has now been 26 years and I understand things differently. I know that’s not how the universe works. We are not punished for something we did or did not do in life, that may cause our death or the death of someone we love. It is a hard pill to swallow but it is true.

Now on this day I choose to remember the beautiful day our first son was born. I remember his life with smiles and yes still some tears. I will never forget BJ and as long as I live those who know me will hear about him in some way or another. He will be talked about with my grandkids so that they can know him even never having met him. I thank Mac and Jolee and Gordon for keeping his memory alive with all the kids and all the stories. Today we celebrate the boy “BJ” was and the man he would have been ❤️

Yesterday October 10/2021 we buried my Dad in his final resting place. Right with Mom where he always wanted to be. He spoke so often about getting his death date added to their headstone. 25 years later he finally got his date added to the headstone. Fly high Dad. Fly high with Mom and BJ. Until we all meet again. I know Dad would have been so happy that we got together everyone was there no one was missing. A rarity for our family. It was a very special day, and with Covid in high gear again I think we got him buried just in time. 😇😇😇❤️❤️❤️

We had a beautiful summer here in Edson. I am sad to see it come to an end. Last week we were still sitting outside on my deck with t-shirts and today we are having a light snow and it is so cold. Jamie and I are getting our home ready for winter. Skirting is on the trailer we put the skirting around all the pull-outs. We have the water line wrapped in heat tape and the sewer all closed it. Ok winter come and get us. Lol ❄️⛄️🌨

I have been feeling really good. I am struggling with one month on and one month off for my hoxsey diet. I have decided to try going to one week on and one week off. It seems like it will be easier to do. I am going to call my doctor in Mexico tomorrow and see if that works for both of us. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Happy Thanksgiving to all my family and friends. I wish many blessings to everyone throughout the next year. God Bless everyone ❤️❤️❤️

Today’s saying : You really don’t know pain until you’ve dropped to your knees and begged God to give your child back. 😇

Number two : He was here for 15 years and died one day. Today I choose to focus on the 15 years not the one day. I love you BJ today and always. Happy Birthday my son 😇❤️🎂

Beth 😇