October is always a tough month for me. It is BJ’s birthday month and he would have been “46” this year. How can that be ? I only know him at “15”. Each year less and less mention of his birthday, even though it was one of the biggest days of my life. I became a Mom. Less and less mention of him all together because I guess after 30 years of him not being here a whole generation of family and loved ones don’t even know him or who he was. His picture has grown old fashioned, his clothes are weird as the kids say. But he was the greatest gift of my life. Something I didn’t even know I needed. He lived life to the fullest in his 15 years. But it was never enough for us. I am so sad he didn’t get to grow old with Mac to see his nieces and nephews. To have his own children and wife. I will never know what life would have handed him. But what I do know he would have showed us all a few things about family and love. I miss him everyday. Unless you have been there you will never get it. And that’s ok 👍🏻

Jamie and I are keeping up on our health. I am “10” years this month since my breast cancer diagnosis. I am doing good with my health, no active cancer right now. But the stress worrying about it coming back sometimes is debilitating. This is an everyday thought I have and everyday I push the worry away so that I can have a somewhat normal life. Unless you have been there it’s hard to explain it. Jamie’s cancer is a little more complicated he has active cancer and continues to get a needle of chemo once a week which I get the pleasure of doing. Lol lol For real he is doing pretty good as well, and as long as we keep his protocol going forward he will be good. Fingers crossed. Again unless you have been there and worry everyday about your cancer getting worse you don’t get it. And that’s ok 👍🏻

We’re heading into winter and the Christmas season. It seems like we were just starting summer. Oh yea we missed summer this year because it rained the whole time. My flowers never grew they drowned, my deck was wet all the time, enough about poor me. The poor farmers had a miserable summer and then harvest. So many storms with monsoon rains. I already look forward to next summer it can’t be that bad again ? Can it ? But we need to get through 10 months of winter again. Lol 😂

We are enjoying this time of life with all the grandkids. They are so truly the rewards of life. 5 of them drive now and can come see us anytime and really do. A couple more than the others but they all take turns. We just love spending time with them all. I did spend a few days with our oldest grandson after they had a basement leak in the summer and finally had it fixed I went to the house to help him put everything back and re-decorate it. I had a blast hopefully Zack did too🥰

I am going to try and blog a little more this next year. It really does de-stresses me so let’s see how I do. When you know you know 🧐

Tonight’s sayings : We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours. Dolly Parton ❤️

Number 2: Never is an awful longtime Peter Pan

Beth 😇